The line is thin

The thin line that separates humans from humanity scares me. Scares me to the core. I've been close to that line and the pain and agony of that proximity was too much. Had I gone over the line, I don't really know that I would have been able to come back at all.

My life was changed over the weekend dramatically by the people that I met. People I want to work with. People I like. People I want to get to know more. People I might work with. And potentially people that I might need help from someday. That's the thin line. And it is definitely drawn.

I realize now I don't need to go to Africa or Australia or South America to find the hole that needs to be filled. I found compassion and hope. I found wandering souls connected by more than just coincidence. The hole is here. I just have to keep filling it in. I don't need to spend 3 years on a mission, selling everything I own before I leave or just plain giving it away which is what I would probably do. That may happen anyway.

Hope doesn't help. Hope doesn't bring joy. It brings tears. It brings wistfulness. Hope is angst. Hope is unknowing. Hope is potential. Hope is the fluttering of a heartbeat as you lean in for the first kiss. Hope is never enough.