Suggested intros:

1)
Look, I tried to write and tell you that I was going away many times.  I actually wrote the letter you have in your hand now three weeks ago.  I gave it to a friend to hold until this moment when he put it under my body.

2)
Sharon was my boss at work and she wasn't good.  She was lazy, disrespectful, seemed mostly illiterate. Couldn't put two thoughts together to hold up one end of a conversation. The team ignored her as a rule and spoke to her out of obligation.  When she didn't return from lunch, nobody worried and certainly nobody said anything.  By the third day, we just assumed she quit or was fired and was too embarrased to face us.  Not that we would have listened or paid attention when she was talking anyway.  This is a large company, with small agile team functions to drive the large projects. Contractors from this country, contractors from other countries, full time employees.  Part time employees.  The gamut. When they found her body behind the copier in the basement she had copies of an agenda for our weekly team meeting, a new toner cartridge and a kilo of cocaine inside her purse.