I had been working with Kristen for 6 months. We worked great together and she told me all about her husband and her little daughter and her happy life and now she was leaving to take another job.
Perfect. She was a great worker and I would recommend her on Linked in.
I wished her well and told her to give me a call if she ever needed a reference for a job. Fact is, the team would struggle for awhile without her.
'Thanks. It was great working with you too. ' is what I expected her to say and what she did say in an email. But then she added:
'Oh and by the way. Why don't you come over and fuck me?'
Wait what? Did I just read that right? Was that some kind of subconscious thought I wasn't supposed to hear? How am I supposed to respond to that? You are supposed to say nothing, act like she never said it. Take it as a compliment and move on. Like a normal moral person does. Problem is that I don't have that moral capacity. Even though I found nothing remotely attractive about her, I found out where her next job was. Got in touch with her when she was separated, drove 13 hours to Noth Carolina and did what she wanted.
Three other married women later and the moral compass is still not working. The attraction to someone you know is with someone else is easy. It's not about whether they are obtainable or
not. That's never the goal.
In my office there was another woman who had been dating a married man for 12 years. She was now 29. The guy was now 44. Through the walls of the cubicles she laid out her story daily in detail.
Each day right before noon the tears would start. Sometimes just a few. Sometimes just one or two. Sometimes she left for the day. On the day he was killed in a car accident on his way to take her to lunch, she didn't cry at all. She couldn't go to the funeral. She couldn't get drunk at the wake. She wouldn't be getting any of his life insurance money. But most of all, she wouldn't be crying before noon anymore. On the day he was killed in a car accident, she laughed.
Possession is an ugly word. Is Marriage an ugly word? For many it does imply possession and entitlement. If that's marriage then yes it's ugly. Why can't people just enjoy being together? Live in separate houses, meet up when they feel like it with no pressure. Because people want that legal committment that says I am with you. If you are ever in the hospital, I will be there for you. If I need someone to make a life altering decision for my life that I can't make, I want you to make that for me. When tax time comes I want that deduction. When you want to leave, it's going to take some time because it should. People need an explanation even if they don't understand. When we go someplace, I want people to know that I am with not just someone, but you. When the car won't start, I'm calling you for a jump. When the kids come home from college, they are staying at our house and not spending it on the highway shuffle. You should have to want to work through the ennui. Through the boredom. Through the anger and fights to find the cocaine of life. The sweet spot that comes with sharing more than just a cup of coffee.
But back to my original thought is that there isn't a national known female figure that we can point to who holds a leading position, all by her own doing, not because she married someone powerful or is the girlfriend of a powerful leader or was married to a leader and that leader died so she filled a void. No there just isn't a woman leading the national discourse. There was one national leader in Madalyn Murray O'Hair, but I wouldn't really classify her organization in the same light. I'm talking about a uniter. A strong female that brings all sides together in their hatred of blacks, hispanics, asians and especially jews. The racist movement is soley partriarchial driven. The thoughts emerge from the men. They are progressed by men. They include women but only as an ncillary afterthought. Where is she? Where is this blonde female germanic power of the white race that can unite the separatists on her own? I don't believe she exists or ever will.
It also got me thinking about just what a life would be like if the white supremacists got their way and had a white's only society for themselves in this day an age. Let me break it down. They couldn't eat any food purchased at a supermarket because %100 percent of it is created by a mixing of the races. They can't watch tv - You know. The Jews. Listen to the radio - because of what's on it and where the radios are made. Certainly not a whites-only operation. Use the internet? It was created and is run by non-whites. Drive a car? Not if you want to go anywhere. Try finding one with only parts fully made by whites. You will have the first one. And a house or apartment? Non-whites had %100 percent contribution to your living quarters. I forgot clothing. They can't wear any store bought clothing. None of it is made by whites only.
So where does this leave our white's only society? Naked, living in the forest foraging for food
at all hours of the day and night, living under a shelter of sticks and trying to figure out a way to keep the predators at bay during the night because they can't find a rifle or pistol that was
only made by white's. A bleak existence but it's there for you. White's only though.
27 March 2012
12 March 2012
The line is thin
The thin line that separates humans from humanity scares me. Scares me to the core. I've been close to that line and the pain and agony of that proximity was too much. Had I gone over the line, I don't really know that I would have been able to come back at all.
My life was changed over the weekend dramatically by the people that I met. People I want to work with. People I like. People I want to get to know more. People I might work with. And potentially people that I might need help from someday. That's the thin line. And it is definitely drawn.
I realize now I don't need to go to Africa or Australia or South America to find the hole that needs to be filled. I found compassion and hope. I found wandering souls connected by more than just coincidence. The hole is here. I just have to keep filling it in. I don't need to spend 3 years on a mission, selling everything I own before I leave or just plain giving it away which is what I would probably do. That may happen anyway.
Hope doesn't help. Hope doesn't bring joy. It brings tears. It brings wistfulness. Hope is angst. Hope is unknowing. Hope is potential. Hope is the fluttering of a heartbeat as you lean in for the first kiss. Hope is never enough.
My life was changed over the weekend dramatically by the people that I met. People I want to work with. People I like. People I want to get to know more. People I might work with. And potentially people that I might need help from someday. That's the thin line. And it is definitely drawn.
I realize now I don't need to go to Africa or Australia or South America to find the hole that needs to be filled. I found compassion and hope. I found wandering souls connected by more than just coincidence. The hole is here. I just have to keep filling it in. I don't need to spend 3 years on a mission, selling everything I own before I leave or just plain giving it away which is what I would probably do. That may happen anyway.
Hope doesn't help. Hope doesn't bring joy. It brings tears. It brings wistfulness. Hope is angst. Hope is unknowing. Hope is potential. Hope is the fluttering of a heartbeat as you lean in for the first kiss. Hope is never enough.
05 March 2012
Finding Bigfoot = Gilligan's Island
I started watching this show, Finding Bigfoot, when it began. Intrigued many times by tales of the unknown (Well, except for the JFK conspiracies and the Art Bell show. But can you blame me? That's good radio), but never fully buying in, I've come to make this show a must watch each week. But I couldn't figure out why. Why was such bad television compelling? The same pretext (a photo or blurry video or dated memory) led the team to the sites and each episode contains a trip to the woods with no tangible results and ends with the same resolution - 'Well we may not have found anything, but you can't say we didn't tell a good story'. And as one of the hosts so succinctly put it, 'Just because there isn't any physical evidence to support what she saw doesn't mean that the experience didn't happen in her mind. And that's what is really important. We are validating that she did indeed have an experience. With what we can't really say, but something'
Or this exchange:
Present day 2011
[Host] Tell me what happened.
[storyteller - Man in his mid 40's] Well, I was riding my bike after dinner one night with my best friend from school... (And at this point, what? What 40 year old man goes out after dinner regularly and rides bikes with his best friend from school. Ok. I'll go with his. Small town. Possible that he has kept a friendship going that long. Please continue Mr. Storyteller]
...and we came around the corner. It was just about dusk and we saw this gigantic creature going through the garbage. We were scared so we got back on our bikes and headed home as fast as we....
(Ok. What? You are a 40 year old man and you see this giant animal going through people's garbage and you don't stay around to see what it is?. This is getting odd. Continue)
could.
[Host] And it was over by that tree there?
[storyteller] Actually no. The tree is long gone and the neighborhood has been built up. You have to remember this was 1974 and I was about 8 years old.
(Oh for fucks sake. This has got to be the worst..._)
And that's when it hit me what it was. A show I watched every afternoon after school. A show that was funny even without the laugh track. This show is Gilligan's island. Bigfoot is the rescue boat that they can never get. The people they meet each week are the celebrities who come to the island and the cast - really well picked.
Gilligan - Bobo obviously. A buffoon who contributes antics but little else. ..... Pals around with the Skipper, falls down, makes lots of noises and has a special hat that he wears in each episode.
The Professor - Renae. Critical, objective scientist who refuses to play along with the game and accept the numerous theories thrown out by the team. Offers a counterpoint but still can't figure out how to get off the island. Mostly because she likes what the island has to offer.
Ginger - Matt Moneymaker. The starlet, the one who everyone should look to. The Alpha in his mind. It's his group, his show and the show should revolve around him.
Mary Ann - Cliff. You really want to like this guy. You want to think he's different from Matt, he's humble and could be your next door neighbor. But he isn't. Same as Ginger just less overt.
The Howell's - The Producers putting this show together with all their money
The Skipper - The Seen but never mentioned extra cameramen always on each night trip and the editor in charge of designing the show. The Wizard of Oz if you will.
And the weapons. Why do they not carry a single munitions based weapon? You are in the woods hunting for an exotic mythical animal that may or may not be friendly. You offer yourself no protection in the event that it really doesn't want to shake your hand when it meets you but eat it instead. In this sense, they have crossed over into the Timothy Treadwell area and have no respect for boundaries. If they did, their night woods investigations would consist of two groups in tree stands making as little noise as possible, no walkie talkies and no leaving at 2 am each morning instead of staying the whole night.
The lack of fear is there because there is nothing to fear.
The key is that they never, ever find bigfoot. Not only should they never find bigfoot, they should never find any tangible evidence that a bigfoot exists. Hint at, show traces of possibilities, glimpses of psychosis, but never ever find the bigfoot.
Never ever find a boat to get off the island even though you are visited each week by people who do get off the island.
And should there ever be irrefutable evidence, deny, deny, deny. Play up the hypocrisy large. During the lead up, every single trace of evidence is proof of a bigfoot. When the evidence is clear, say that 'We can't be sure. We can't really trust this. We are going to need to see more proof before we believe this.' Because when they do find bigfoot, the show's over. As they say each week, some of they have been at this for 25 years. 25 years of failure. 25 years of waste and no ROI. 25 years of getting exactly what they want.
Or this exchange:
Present day 2011
[Host] Tell me what happened.
[storyteller - Man in his mid 40's] Well, I was riding my bike after dinner one night with my best friend from school... (And at this point, what? What 40 year old man goes out after dinner regularly and rides bikes with his best friend from school. Ok. I'll go with his. Small town. Possible that he has kept a friendship going that long. Please continue Mr. Storyteller]
...and we came around the corner. It was just about dusk and we saw this gigantic creature going through the garbage. We were scared so we got back on our bikes and headed home as fast as we....
(Ok. What? You are a 40 year old man and you see this giant animal going through people's garbage and you don't stay around to see what it is?. This is getting odd. Continue)
could.
[Host] And it was over by that tree there?
[storyteller] Actually no. The tree is long gone and the neighborhood has been built up. You have to remember this was 1974 and I was about 8 years old.
(Oh for fucks sake. This has got to be the worst..._)
And that's when it hit me what it was. A show I watched every afternoon after school. A show that was funny even without the laugh track. This show is Gilligan's island. Bigfoot is the rescue boat that they can never get. The people they meet each week are the celebrities who come to the island and the cast - really well picked.
Gilligan - Bobo obviously. A buffoon who contributes antics but little else. ..... Pals around with the Skipper, falls down, makes lots of noises and has a special hat that he wears in each episode.
The Professor - Renae. Critical, objective scientist who refuses to play along with the game and accept the numerous theories thrown out by the team. Offers a counterpoint but still can't figure out how to get off the island. Mostly because she likes what the island has to offer.
Ginger - Matt Moneymaker. The starlet, the one who everyone should look to. The Alpha in his mind. It's his group, his show and the show should revolve around him.
Mary Ann - Cliff. You really want to like this guy. You want to think he's different from Matt, he's humble and could be your next door neighbor. But he isn't. Same as Ginger just less overt.
The Howell's - The Producers putting this show together with all their money
The Skipper - The Seen but never mentioned extra cameramen always on each night trip and the editor in charge of designing the show. The Wizard of Oz if you will.
And the weapons. Why do they not carry a single munitions based weapon? You are in the woods hunting for an exotic mythical animal that may or may not be friendly. You offer yourself no protection in the event that it really doesn't want to shake your hand when it meets you but eat it instead. In this sense, they have crossed over into the Timothy Treadwell area and have no respect for boundaries. If they did, their night woods investigations would consist of two groups in tree stands making as little noise as possible, no walkie talkies and no leaving at 2 am each morning instead of staying the whole night.
The lack of fear is there because there is nothing to fear.
The key is that they never, ever find bigfoot. Not only should they never find bigfoot, they should never find any tangible evidence that a bigfoot exists. Hint at, show traces of possibilities, glimpses of psychosis, but never ever find the bigfoot.
Never ever find a boat to get off the island even though you are visited each week by people who do get off the island.
And should there ever be irrefutable evidence, deny, deny, deny. Play up the hypocrisy large. During the lead up, every single trace of evidence is proof of a bigfoot. When the evidence is clear, say that 'We can't be sure. We can't really trust this. We are going to need to see more proof before we believe this.' Because when they do find bigfoot, the show's over. As they say each week, some of they have been at this for 25 years. 25 years of failure. 25 years of waste and no ROI. 25 years of getting exactly what they want.
04 March 2012
Baseball. More.
As I sat in a temporary Army tent in Taszar, Hungary in 1996, the professional baseball landscape changed. Intra-league baseball was being introduced and I was against it. Then and now. Now ever more so with the introduction of the MLB network, baseball packages, direct tv. The rule still applies. If you want to watch Seattle Mariner's baseball from Logansport, WestVirginia on a daily or weekly basis you have the option. I didn't care to watch Kansas City vs Montreal then and I don't care about Oakland vs Houston now.
This week, more changes were introduced. Forced tension. Call it reality-tv for the postseason. It's scripted where the action is going to happen. It's scripted when it's going to happen. It's scripted what is going to happen. What is to say that they won't actually just extend it and script the actual outcome as long as they are at it? In essence, they already have.
Facts: A 2nd wild-card team will be added to each league with the opportunity to make the playoffs. The two wild-card teams will meet after the season's 162 games have completed and play one game. The winner of this one game, goes on to the Divisional playoffs. The one game will be played at the site of the wild-card team with the best record.
Aside, I will say that the one good thing to come out of this was that there will no longer be a restriction that the wild-card team cannot face a team from within it's own division. For that I approve. I digress.
Conjecture: The essence that has already been scripted is the inclusion of either the New York Yankees or the Boston Red Sox in every playoffs going forward. MLB was embarrassed last year when Boston failed to make the playoffs in the original system that was designed to get both the Yankees and Red Sox in every playoffs and they vowed they would not have a repeat. Ratings and Fox network demanded that either the Yankees or Red Sox be in the playoffs to recoup current financial commitment. The same way that Fox went to MLB and designed a way for a ratings increase to the All-Star game (winner gets home-field advantage in the World Series), I believe they went to MLB with this same proposal for the post-season.
Here is an actual scenario that could occur in 2012. American league team wins 116 games in the regular season (71.6%) and advances to the World series. Wild Card Team 2 (5th best record in the National league) qualifies for the playoffs with a record of 82-80 (50.6%) and advances to the World Series. National League wins the All-Star game. Wild Card team 2 will now host 4 home games and the American league team will host 3.
Seems to me that this is turning into Professional wrestling. The league sets the storyline, hires the actors, creates the tension/drama, hires the publicists (major media all-sport networks), allows the star actors to enhance their reputations (PED) while cracking down on the lower echelon players to perpetuate the idea of policing and brings the carnival like atmosphere's to multiple cities around the country. The variable factors? Percentage of players who won't follow the script (which can only be enforced when their production is lowered); Statistical anomalous years, overall fiscal economy.
5 years from now, if there comes a point where the Yankees or Red Sox are not making the playoffs, the number of teams will be adjusted, to whatever it takes, to make sure the Yankees and Red Sox are both in the playoffs every year.
This week, more changes were introduced. Forced tension. Call it reality-tv for the postseason. It's scripted where the action is going to happen. It's scripted when it's going to happen. It's scripted what is going to happen. What is to say that they won't actually just extend it and script the actual outcome as long as they are at it? In essence, they already have.
Facts: A 2nd wild-card team will be added to each league with the opportunity to make the playoffs. The two wild-card teams will meet after the season's 162 games have completed and play one game. The winner of this one game, goes on to the Divisional playoffs. The one game will be played at the site of the wild-card team with the best record.
Aside, I will say that the one good thing to come out of this was that there will no longer be a restriction that the wild-card team cannot face a team from within it's own division. For that I approve. I digress.
Conjecture: The essence that has already been scripted is the inclusion of either the New York Yankees or the Boston Red Sox in every playoffs going forward. MLB was embarrassed last year when Boston failed to make the playoffs in the original system that was designed to get both the Yankees and Red Sox in every playoffs and they vowed they would not have a repeat. Ratings and Fox network demanded that either the Yankees or Red Sox be in the playoffs to recoup current financial commitment. The same way that Fox went to MLB and designed a way for a ratings increase to the All-Star game (winner gets home-field advantage in the World Series), I believe they went to MLB with this same proposal for the post-season.
Here is an actual scenario that could occur in 2012. American league team wins 116 games in the regular season (71.6%) and advances to the World series. Wild Card Team 2 (5th best record in the National league) qualifies for the playoffs with a record of 82-80 (50.6%) and advances to the World Series. National League wins the All-Star game. Wild Card team 2 will now host 4 home games and the American league team will host 3.
Seems to me that this is turning into Professional wrestling. The league sets the storyline, hires the actors, creates the tension/drama, hires the publicists (major media all-sport networks), allows the star actors to enhance their reputations (PED) while cracking down on the lower echelon players to perpetuate the idea of policing and brings the carnival like atmosphere's to multiple cities around the country. The variable factors? Percentage of players who won't follow the script (which can only be enforced when their production is lowered); Statistical anomalous years, overall fiscal economy.
5 years from now, if there comes a point where the Yankees or Red Sox are not making the playoffs, the number of teams will be adjusted, to whatever it takes, to make sure the Yankees and Red Sox are both in the playoffs every year.
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